


His Face

by DirectionOfTime



Category: Naruto
Genre: A medic's job can be grim, Avoiding Feelings, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Their being idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 04:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17052872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirectionOfTime/pseuds/DirectionOfTime
Summary: Sakura always wanted to see his face... but not like this, anything but this.





	His Face

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little one-shot I wrote around the same time as A Blind Man and A Late Hour. Mostly as a means of getting back into writing. I enjoyed this one though a lot of people on FFN seemed not to so I sort of hesitated putting this on here but oh well. If you don't like it, then please just leave, I do not want to hear your nasty comments: you have no good reason to be rude.
> 
> These past couple of years have been a nightmare and unfortunately, it's my writing that's taken the biggest hit (well that and my general mental health, I guess) but something tells me we've all had a horrendous few years for all sorts of reasons… I'm not the only one with the clawing sense of dread and powerlessness about the future, be it climate, the environment, human rights and politics in general, am I? T.T
> 
> I wanted to get back to how I felt through the years 2011-2014/15 when stories came so easily to me and writing was the one (positive) thing consistently strong enough to get me out of bed everyday and boost my mood at a moments notice. Ugh. Maybe that doesn't even make sense but whatever, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wanted to get back to basics with my writing and write for the fun of it rather than the anxiety and procrastination-inducing chore my novels seem to instil in me. 
> 
> I've been doing my best with Hakujitsumu but it's hardly a master-piece >.> but I still want to write as much as I can and this was fun to write and I hope it's fun to read as well, enjoy!

 

 

_**His Face** _

 

He didn't need to make a sound for her to feel his presence, the late hour and darkness of the room had her almost holding her breath in the effort to pinpoint where he was. He breathed deeply from right beside her just before his large hand found her arm, his fingertips smoothing their way upwards until they found her shoulder, then her cheek and then her hair. She could sense his next move and turned her face toward him just as his nose brushed hers and their lips met. Her hands instinctively rose to his shoulders, though he was a little taller than she'd guessed in the dark and her hands brushed over the taught, smooth skin of his chest. He pressed closer to her, deepening their kiss, she could feel the strength in him that he chose not to use. She could feel the softness of his skin and gentleness of his hands that—  _Rrraappp, rrraapp!_

"Haruno-san!" The sudden sharp knock on her window and call of her name drew her from her fantasising with an uncomfortable jerk, "Haruno-san! Shizune-san urgently requests your presence at the hospital! Hatake-san is gravely injured!" The voice continued from outside her window; she bolted upright,  _shit!_

"Hai! I'll be right there!" She leapt out of bed, threw on her medic uniform and was out of the door in under three minutes; she was at the hospital in less.

"What happened?" Sakura asked as she burst into the hospital's reception,

"It's Hatake-san," The nurse replied, hurrying the chart in Sakura's hands, "He's in surgery, Shizune has requested your help." Sakura took the chart and scanned over the details, he had several complex fractures, two of which being his jaw and cheekbone.

"Kuso." she swore to herself as she nearly sprinted down the corridor to scrub up. Just as she arrived into theatre, Shizune breathed a sigh of relief,

"Sakura! Thank Kami-sama you came so quickly! I've been doing my best to staunch the bleeding, but until we can get the bones reset it won't do any good." Sakura circled the bed, crowded with medics and nurses, all of whom were tending to his other injuries. Kakashi was maskless, but every inch of his face was covered with dried and fresh blood, all the but the very tips of his silvery hair were matted with blood and dirt. His face was truly mangled, his jaw had been broken in three places and sat at a disgustingly unnatural angle; the entire left side of his face had almost been caved in from whatever blow he'd taken, save for a sharp, ragged edge of bone which stood proud of the surrounding bloody flesh.

"Kami-sama," Sakura whispered as she gathered her chakra to her hands, careful to avoid the sphere of Shizune's chakra which was barely keeping his veins and arteries together to prevent him bleeding out. "Has there been damage to his brain?"

"Not that we can tell at this point, though there has been some trauma to his larynx, how severe it is, we'll have to investigate later." Shizune answered, her exhaustion clear in her voice. Sakura fell back on her training, cleared her mind of all anxieties and what ifs and focused on the now. She called upon her chakra with her left hand and reached for a scalpel with her right, she examined the soft tissues for fragments of bone and delicately cut away the dried blood and tissue, before fishing them out with a set of tweezers.

"Nurse!"

"Hai, Haruno-san."

"Find me a set of metal implants, the range 4.5-6.5 inclusive,"

"Hai!" The nurse answered and darted away immediately as Sakura continued to extract the fragments of bone from Kakashi's face; as bad as the break looked, there were relatively minimal fragments… from his cheekbone at least. Whatever blow Kakashi had sustained, it was looking more and more like something has struck him from under the chin and exited through his cheekbone. She wasn't sure if he was lucky to survive or not.

The surgery lasted sixteen hours and Sakura could barely keep her eyes open as she sluggishly washed her hands of Kakashi's blood, the nurses wheeled him out of surgery and into the ICU room, she'd done the best she could for time being, the implants holding what was left of his face together before he'd have to go under again for a skin graft and reconstructive surgery. After that, he'd still need some chakra healing but only time would tell whether he could still speak, or whether he still knew who he was.

She followed him into the room and stood staring at him for a few moments, his face was bandaged with gauze though his breathing was steady, thanks to the intubator. She had never seen Kakashi in such a mess, he'd had nasty injuries before, on more than one occasion potentially lethal, but she'd never seen him with such a facial injury; Kakashi had always been especially sensitive about that part of himself — he'd never allow even a spec of dust to befoul his mask — but even for the most untrained of civilians, their basic instinct was to protect their face above almost all else. Either he'd been seriously distracted or had been incapacitated to the point where he couldn't protect himself when that blow had been struck.

 

* * *

 

Sakura found herself forcefully dragged from slumber by a shaft of blinding light, which lay across her eyes, as if on purpose. She quickly realised that she'd fallen asleep in the awkward too-long-in-the-seat-too-short-in-the-back chair, she pulled herself upright, yawning forcefully. A nurse entered the room,

"Oh, Haruno-san, you're awake! I tried to wake you on my last round a few hours ago but you were too deeply asleep."

"It's fine, Kurosuki-san."

"Please go home and rest, Haruno-san." The nurse suggested politely as she helped Sakura to her feet; she moved to check Kakashi's vitals, Sakura walked over to his bedside,

"How is he?"

"His vitals are stable and he seems to be resting nicely. Yuma-san is on duty today and I have already briefed him on Hatake-san's condition. He will contact you immediately if anything changes."

"Hai, hai," Sakura conceded, hearing the unspoken plea in Kurosuki's words,

"Sakura! What are you still doing here?" Tsunade's voice drew their attention, the Hokage strode in through the door and up to Sakura, "What happened during the surgery?"

"The surgery went well, Tsunade-sama, Kakashi seems to be stable for now."

"Then why are you still here? You should be in bed, sleeping."

"Hai, I am going." Sakura answered, the fog of exhaustion still clouding her brain.

Tsunade looked at her for a long while, "Go home, Sakura, I will keep an eye on Kakashi for today, report back to me at 0800 tomorrow morning."

"Hai, Tsunade-sama." Sakura answered before walking out of the room. 

How or when, exactly, she'd made it back to her apartment, she couldn't recall but she awoke many hours later, in complete darkness with the icy grip of anxiety clutching her heart and gnawing on her mind: what if the blow had caused Kakashi a spinal injury? What if a fragment of bone had punctured the brain and was causing a bleed? Sakura was already halfway out of the door, without her zouri, before she hesitated: he was at hospital, with dedicated on-call staff who would inform her at the slightest change. She took a deep breath and decide that a shower and fresh change of clothes would be best… and then she would go to the hospital.

 

* * *

 

She wasn't sure when, exactly, she began to feel differently about Kakashi, it was a slow progression, much like their relationship in real life. Slowly, they gone from strangers, to student-teacher, to comrades, to friends and in her mind, lovers. More than once they'd shared secret smiles between them at some unintended joke of Naruto's or other; more than once they'd sat close enough that she could easily inhale his scent, so often that it became noticeable. Far too often, back when they had been Team 7, she had been stuck next to Kakashi whilst Naruto and Sasuke had slugged it out and she hadn't given their proximity a second thought. He was just Kakashi-sensei and she was just Sakura-chan.

Back then, his presence stirred nothing in her beyond his ability to swing the battle in their favour, but back in the safety on Konoha, years afterward, sat among friends, he became a like-mind who could read the nuisance of a situation as well as she could and appreciated the subtext better than her agemates. More and more often she found him at her side, as a cool, calming presence to talk serious conversation with whilst everyone else was drinking themselves stupid; even if he didn't fully understand the subject, he was still clever enough to ask thoughtful questions. Before long, he began appearing at her apartment to share dinner or a few drinks after a long day, where, on more than one occasion, they were simply relaxing in shared space. His presence became so natural, she took to leaving her door unlocked so he could just come in when he pleased in the evenings, he became a part of the furniture and she sorely missed him when he was away on missions.

He still looked asleep from where she stood at his bedside, but it was about time for him to awaken so he might well be just trying to avoid being talked at. She reached up to peel away the bedsheets covering his nose when his hand flew up to her wrist.

"Oh! Kakashi! You're awake… please don't try to speak, I've had to reconstruct your jaw and cheekbone. I just need to see if the bandages need changing," She explained carefully, his eye was still drowsy and his grip loosened on her wrist until his hand was just resting on her arm, but he didn't pull it away entirely. He tried to make some sound, which came out like a strangled groan before wincing, "You've had some trauma to your larynx which will make speaking painful for a few days at least, do you need more painkillers? Tap my arm twice for yes," He tapped shakily twice; she gently placed his arm back down on the bed and stepped around to increase the dose in his IV bag, she updated the chart to reflect as such in his notes.

"You really scared me there, Kakashi," She said, unable to help whispering as she perched on the edge of his bed and peeled back the bed sheet to inspect his bandages, "Your jaw and cheekbone were completely smashed, I had to put metal implants to reconstruct your face… which was really hard by the way, having never  _actually_  seen your face." The bandages were still clean and had a good seal on them, "There might have been some trauma to your brain, but we can't really test for that until you can speak again but by that point it might be too late to do anything." She looked into the charcoal eye glued to her, "Do you feel up to answering a few simple questions? Two squeezes for yes, one for no and three for 'I don't know', okay?" She picked up his large hand and held it in her own. He squeezed twice.

"Is your name Hanate Kakashi?" She asked, he frowned and squeezed once. "Good. Can you remember what we ate for dinner the last time you were at my apartment?"  _Yes._ "Do you know who you were fighting, who gave you this injury?"  _No_. "Do you remember how you got back to Konoha?  _No._  "Okay, that sounds encouraging for now, but I suppose you could be lying to me… though that in itself suggests you do still have some cognitive ability. We'll have to wait and see for this one, Kakashi; you're scheduled in for another surgery in a week.

"In the mean time we'll begin some healing treatments for your throat and larynx. I'd start now, but I still don't have enough chakra, Shizune will probably start tomorrow morning… or rather, later on this morning. Try and get some rest, Kakashi, the surgery was long and we nearly lost you several times. You need to be as recovered as possible before we operate again." She squeezed his hand gently and rose to her feet, but he didn't let go, his hand clutched her's with surprising strength for his state. "Sorry, Kakashi, I need to go and inform Tsunade-sama of your condition, she should be in the office by now. I've got rounds today, as well, but I will be back in a little later to chat some more, try and sleep." She smiled again and pulled their hands apart, very conscious that she might start crying if she didn't get out of the room soon.

She pulled the door closed behind her and took a deep breath, willing her eyes to clear before she ran into anyone else: she was happy he was awake, but seeing him bed-bound and silent, so broken with nothing but his eye to show that anything of him still remained was galling. She seen him in a coma from over use of his sharingan before, but rarely was he so bandaged and… broken looking. She'd never seen Kakashi look so damaged and it drove home just how fallible he was, how mortal he was and how he would not be Hatake Kakashi forever. One day, he would be just a memory and for each day that passed, that 'one day' grew just a little bit closer.

"Sakura?"

"T-Tsunade-sama, I was just coming to find you," Sakura blink fiercely as she face the Hokage, "Kakashi is awake now, I was just checking on him, he seems to know who he is and still has his longterm memory, but we can't do a proper test until he can speak again. I still don't have enough chakra to begin healing yet," Tsunade eyed her former student carefully,

"It's good to hear he's awake. If you're here this early, I'm not surprised you've yet to recover your chakra, you need rest as much as he does. He will be under mine and Shizune's direct supervision. We won't lose him, Sakura."

 

* * *

 

Sakura spent almost all of her free time with Kakashi and he'd been recovering nicely, he behaved himself as she cleaned the damaged half of his face, still sticky with viscera as it tried to heal itself; he'd cheered up since the day he'd awoken and would happily listen to Sakura for several hours a day. They figured out a simple code to have come complex interactions than yes/no questions, though they hardly had what could be considered a conversation. The second surgery was shorter than the first but far more chakra intensive, the skin grafts from his leg took a long time to knit to the existing flesh of his face. Eventually, it had taken, the blood flow was healthy and he was wheeled out to recover; he'd have to wait several months for dental implants to make up for twelve teeth he'd lost.

They kept up the barrage of treatments to heal flesh and bone and three weeks to the day, he was released back home; he was ordered to stay on a strict regiment of soups and soft foods and was on mandatory rest for the next month minimum. Sakura had been called away on a short mission (much to her chargin) when Kakashi had been released and she was almost a week overdue to see him, but she easily imagined Kakashi rolling his eyes at the fuzzy blanket the hospital had been wrapping him in. Or maybe he hadn't. Kakashi had been uncharacteristically well behaved during her treatments, from letting her clean, inspect and heal his injuries he hadn't offered up any bluster or subterfuge; perhaps the injury had scared him just as badly. He was usually a nightmare to heal and would end up getting sent home to recover just to give the poor medics and nurses a rest from his temperamental and oft childish behaviour.

She climbed the stairs to his apartment two at a time, carrying dinner with her and a six pack of beer, she rapped sharply on his door, suddenly nervous. "Kakashi?" He opened the door, a surgical mask over the lower half his face, it was still surprising to see for those used to the smooth dark fabric of his otherwise ever present mask covering everything from the bridge of his nose down to his shoulders; his hair was scruffy and he looked tired, "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"S-kura," Kakashi's crackled voice answered, his eye widening in surprise, "Thought… you… mission," He stepped back to allow her in to the apartment,

"Hai, I got back an hour ago, how are you? How do you feel? Are you in pain?"

"No, usual." He replied haltingly, they'd healed his voice box as best they could, but the cartilage needed to recover itself; he was lucky it had been a clean gash that knitted together easily, it was now only bruised. She set down dinner on the counter and walked up to him, reaching up to his mask,

"May I?" He nodded, and she gently pulled away the mask, the scars were still raw but the swelling had gone down; the right side of his face was unmarred and looked a lot better not covered in blood. The left would seem lopsided until everything completely settled. His face looked again like a face, though only Kakashi knew if he recognised himself in the mirror. She called upon her chakra and ran her hands gently over the grafted tissue: everything seemed to be healing nicely. "Good, everything looks good. Do you have sensation? It might still seem a bit numb, but can you move comfortably?" She asked softy, suddenly conscious of how closely they were stood, to which he smiled in response, it was only a thin, closed mouth smile but it was a genuine one which lit up his face. She drank in the almost mythical image of him, completely distracted for the moment, how many people had ever actually seen him smile? He relaxed his face again apparently feeling awkward smiling for so long. "What's in… bag?"

"Oh, uh, I brought some dinner with me, I was thinking of baked cod and mashed potato," She handed him back his mask and stepped away from him, she walked over to hit kitchenette;

"Mashed…-ato?"

"A western dish I heard about, very easy to eat, needs no chewing it's pureed potato essentially, it sounds gross but is actually delicious; it will only take a half hour or so to cook. Unless you've already eaten?"

"No."

"I also brought some beer, it's only a low percent and thought maybe you'd like the change," She said, as she put them into Kakashi's fridge, he looked visibly happier at her mention of the stuff.

"Thank Kami… sama,"

"Haha, I thought it'd cheer you up. How are your other injuries? Does anything feel especially painful? Are the pain meds enough? Are—" Sakura's barrage of questions were interrupted by Kakashi walking over to her and pulling her into a hug,

"She… said how long…surg- took. Was so… happy to see… when I woke up, tho- I was… going to die."

"With me, Shizune and Tsunade-sama in the village? As if we'd let you die." She mumbled into his chest, squeezing him as close as she dared; "But I'm  _so_  glad you made it, you nearly didn't." He rubbed his hands over her back, by means of acknowledgement; she took the moment to breathe him in before she pulled away,

"I'll get dinner started," He didn't step back,

"What… can I do?"

"You don't have to do anything," She replied, only to be met with a flat stare she knew well, "The potatoes need washing, peeling, and put on to boil. They need to be well cooked before they can be mashed," She answered; he nodded and reached for the bag, Sakura busied herself slicing the fish and chopping the herbs and other ingredients for the sauce. Kakashi reached into the fridge and brought out two beers, he opened them both and offered one to Sakura, which she accepted gratefully. They chinked the bottles together in a toast and each took a swig. With dinner cooking itself, they sat on Kakashi sofa.

 

"Here," Sakura withdrew a book from her back pouch, "This was released a couple of weeks ago, I know it's not exactly  _Icha Icha_ , but I suppose it's the next best thing," She offered a lopsided smile as she handed it to him. It was the next title of the series of a writer who's followed Jiraiya's path and had enjoyed increased readership since the loss of the sannin though the author certainly went out of his way to praise the late ninja whenever he could.

Kakashi accepted the book and looked between it and Sakura a few times, the surprise clear on his face,

"Heard… about this… why?"

"Thought you could do with something to read whilst you recovered and you really shouldn't be out wandering around Konoha, not for another week or so, anyway." Sakura shrugged,

"Than- you. Never would… guessed you'd buy… this,"

"Ha, well don't get any funny ideas, you're usually a nightmare when it comes to treatment, but you've been unusually well behaved."

Kakashi smiled a short, teasing smile, "Not… a dog… Sakura," She rolled her eyes and drained the last of her beer,

"Treats and rewards work just as well for humans, not sorry," She answered, Kakashi let out a breath of laugher.

"Another?" He pointed at the beer bottle.

"How does your back feel? Your neck and spine? Is it difficult to move in a certain way?" Sakura asked as she watched Kakashi haltingly drag himself up from the sofa,

"Just a bit sore."

"Let me have a look," She hopped to her feet and stood behind him, "Just stand still and tell me if anything hurts," She lifted up the back of his shirt and gently pressed her thumbs either side of the base of his spine, he tensed. "Did that hurt?"

"No." He breathed; she continued up his back, pressing gently every few centimetres, his skin was soft and smooth; even with her hands spread wide, she couldn't reach fully across his broad back. His muscles remained taught as he stood stock still,

"Are you sure you're not in pain? You seem very tense,"

"…Just… an odd… sensation." He answered, as if searching for the words; Sakura was unconvinced but didn't push,

"Well everything seems fine; you have been really lucky, for such a traumatic head injury, you aren't half as badly injured as I would have expected." She gently pulled his shirt back down into place, her knuckles grazing his skin as she did so, electrifying her.

"Sakura," Kakashi looked over his shoulder before slowly turning to face her; she couldn't focus on anything but the man in front her, she didn't even dare breathe for the unabating anticipation. She felt as if a lightning strike was imminent, the tension in the air palpable, and Sakura was paralysed by the tentative charcoal eye—  _Rraappp! Rrraaapp!_

A sudden, shrill knock at the door had them both start, she hadn't realised how closely she was leaning toward him until they almost jumped apart, "Kakashi-sensei! Are you awake? How are you?" Naruto's brash voice called loudly. Kakashi audibly sighed and turned towards the door as Naruto nocked again; he hooked the strings of his mask gingerly over his ears and answered the door. Sakura remained stood where she was, trying to regather her wits  _what… just happened? Or rather, what was about to happen?_

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto beamed as the door was opened, "You look like crap! Oh hey, Sakura-chan,"

"Baka! What kind of thing is that to say to him?" Sakura snapped. Leave it to Naruto to dispel any atmosphere,

"Ah, sorry Kakashi-sensei, but it's really good to see you on your feet again. Think you'll be back to sparring next week?"

"Iee, Naruto, I doubt it." Kakashi slowly replied, closing his front door.

The three sat chatting for a few short minutes, until dinner was cooked, but Sakura felt thoroughly unbalanced, thrown off by the sudden moment she and Kakashi had shared. She offered Naruto her portion of dinner, made her excuses and left; Kakashi's eye had followed her out of the door but he'd remained silent.

 

Sakura took a deep breath the moment she stepped out of the apartment building and into the cool night air. Kakashi had been on the verge of kissing her, she was sure, she was hardly 'well versed' in matters of love and sex, as Ino had often commented on, but she wasn't a fool either. Kakashi's eye had darted between her own and her lips several times in those few precious seconds before they'd been interrupted; he'd been tense, certainly, but his body language had been open and inviting. Sakura looked up at the dark, inky sky, the last fading tendrils of sunlight enough to tickle the edges of the few enormous clouds looming above. It was blustery out, occasional gusts of wind ruffled the trees and pulled at her hair, enough to stir emotion but not enough to evoke a feeling; just the weather for a heart in turmoil.

Her intuition told her that she and Kakashi had now stepped over a line; the paradigm of their relationship had been inexorably changed. They could choose to step back across it, but nothing would go back to the way it was before. The world might as well have been destroyed and rebuilt in a millisecond with only one or two minor changes, difficult to see to a casual observer, but those changes bred alterations and divergence to the natural path ensuring nothing about their lives wouldn't be altered in some way. She'd thought and fantasised about Kakashi for several long months, hoping for exactly this situation and certainly, he appeared to share at least some of her feelings, so why wasn't she elated? She felt, instead, the icy trickle of anxiety down the back of her neck, telling her that the situation at hand was hardly as it seemed. Trauma did funny things to people. One of its many insidious side-effects tended to be the generation of false feelings toward their caregivers. The security and comfort of the carer or healer often prompted their charge to mistake that care and security for love and attraction. It wasn't as well documented for nurses and doctors as it was for counsellors and therapists, but it was hardly unheard of.

Kakashi was stoic to a flaw and tended to reflexively hide his emotions and feelings toward something, especially when it came to health. But in an uncharacteristic fit of openness, he actually volunteered his fear that that injury was going to be his last. She'd no doubt that he'd faced death on many occasions and had thought the same thing after many an accident but never, in all her years of caring for him or fighting battles along side him, had he given any indication that he recognised or feared his mortality. Perhaps this injury had been the straw to break the camel's back and Kakashi was finally at a point where he was so injured, so hurt that all he could do was reach out in desperate search of comfort. She could go along with it, give him whatever physical affection he clearly craved, but, eventually, he would be healed to the point where he didn't need it anymore, he would pull back, break it off and go back to his life. Leaving her heartbroken with the loss of a lover and a friend. But, more importantly, it would be an intense betrayal of a very vulnerable Kakashi; how could she even consider such an action?

She's talk to him tomorrow, she decided. Gentle candour would be ideal, explain to him her worries, all the while giving him no indication she felt anything; he would be hurt, but it was far kinder in the long run. To them both. Some part of her, for all her fantasising, never even considered that Kakashi might feel anything for her; he was over a decade her senior, had been her teacher whilst she was on the cusp of puberty and had no compunction about dropping her as his student the moment he was able. They talked more these days, Kakashi seemed to enjoy her company far more as one adult to another; but for all their time spent together, Sakura had never once felt any mixed signals: Kakashi was her friend and she his. That was where it ended. She never once felt as if he was trying to press anything further; she never sensed a secret message in his looks or in his manner; they had their roles as friends and that was as far as it went.

Sakura never felt guilty about fantasising — it was perfectly natural, after all and an integral part of one's mental health, to exercise the imagination — but she never confused the Kakashi inside her head for the one in front of her. They might as well have been completely separate people. They did live in different dimensions… sort of.

 

* * *

 

Although she'd been intent on talking with Kakashi, she found herself suddenly nervous the moment she awoke; Tsunade had requested her presence first thing and it triggered the long, continuous chain of procrastination on the kuniochi's part. It had now been over a week since she'd seen him. Eventually, she left the hospital at the awkward hour of half past eight and hopped over rooftops on her way home; she really needed to speak to him but she was anxious, uncertain how to even broach the topic initially then lie to his face. Sakura had never been the most skilled at lying, more often than not her emotions played clearly on her face for all the world to see and Kakashi was an exceptional perceptive man; he would sure see straight through her. Then where would it leave her? Caught in the act of lying to an injured friend? She'd be lucky to make it out alive. Not that Kakashi would raise his hand, he wouldn't even threaten it, but it would surely cost them whatever of their friendship that still remained. If nothing else, Sakura prayed to all manner of gods and devils that at least their friendship might survive. Even if they both had to retreat to lick their wounds for a while, that was okay, it was known territory to them both she was sure; but maybe in a few months they could again share a beer or two and discuss away the evening like they used to.

She felt childish and naive thinking about it; how likely even was it that if Kakashi made some impassioned speech on the power of love which she refuted despite her feelings, there was no way in hell they'd keep the friendship they had. It would just be too difficult. She snorted in spite of herself as she climbed the stairs to her floor, the sudden image of Kakashi taking up Gai's mantel, complete with spandex tights and a new haircut.

She withdrew her key and opened her front door, flicking on the lights as she did so; she slipped off her sandals, unclipped the pouches from her waist and leg and pulled off her haitai-ate. Was it already too late? Kakashi was still on the pain meds and he might well be asleep, and rousing him from recovery-sleep for an emotional charged conversation was surely a tad cruel. She walked over to her kitchenette and opened the fridge, she had a few options for dinner and she  _was_  hungry but she suspected that no amount of food would make her feel better. She breathed a deep sigh of frustration just as a rap on the door signalled someone's arrival. It was Kakashi. He was dressed in his typical shirt and trousers with the same surgical mask over his face.

 

"May I come in?"

"H-hai, of course," She stood aside and allowed him to walk in; he slipped off his sandals and moved out of the entryway.

"Sakura… I -ink we need to talk about some things."

"I know, I know… I meant to come and see you but I got swept up with work," She followed him over to her sofa, which he sat on, she took a seat in her armchair, "Kakashi, I think I have a pretty good idea of what was going to, uh, happen if Naruto hadn't interrupted and I think you need to be cautious, Kakashi," She looked at him square in the eye, trying to fix on her best doctor-facade, "You're still recovering from a serious, nearly fatal injury and—"

"Sakura," He interrupted, he took a breath as if he was going to continue his sentence but paused, as if remembering that his face was still covered he reached up to pull off the mask and set it on her coffee table. He readjusted and began again, "Sakura, I know what you're thinking, that I'm acting like this because of the injury and that my feelings are confused because of it, but I assure you it isn't the case. I've felt this way for a long time now, when we began spending more time together, it wasn't entirely for friendship reasons, but it was clear then that was what you needed. A friend. So that's what I was. I had no idea if you felt anything for me beyond that then so I didn't mind pretending I felt nothing either, I decided to give you time and if you gave me any indication then I'd put the offer out there and let you decide what you wanted." Kakashi explained, his voice still a little scratchy, he gave a short forced breath of laughter. "At least, that's what I told myself I'd do, but I got far too attached far too quickly; in a matter of weeks I found I couldn't stay away… luckily you didn't seem to mind my barging in almost every evening. My apartment suddenly seemed very lonely without you around and yours was far too inviting." He paused for a while, not having spoke so much for a long time; Sakura let the silence hang, letting him go at his own pace.

"The injury happened because I wasn't concentrating on my surroundings, I wasn't far from Konoha and I let my guard down, I was too busy thinking of getting back, seeing you. The mission kept me away for several weeks longer than planned and I missed you. I couldn't wait to just set eyes on you again but something struck me: if I raced to get back, it seemed terribly unlikely you'd welcome me back the way I really wanted. Something told me I wouldn't see palpable relief in your eyes; you wouldn't throw your arms around me and you wouldn't steal my breath with a desperate kiss. I even stopped running as I registered how much that realisation hurt. How much longer could I go on having feelings that had no outlet?

"I couldn't escape it anymore, my lies to myself had outstayed their welcome and I knew I had to say something… but the enemy shinobi had caught up to my by that point. You've no idea how relieved I was to open my eyes and find you stood there. With that look of relief I thought you'd never direct at me."

"Kakashi—"

"I guess, I've rambled on a bit… it's ah, not really like me but…" He hesitated, reaching a hand up into his scruffy hair, "Ah… you don't have to give me an answer now, Sakura and… even if you answer is, is no then, I want us to still be friends. I know things will be rather uncomfortable for a while but…" His eye darted to hers and away a handful of times, his nerve seeming to finally falter. She stared at him, mouth slightly agape as she took on board his words,

"I… I had no idea you felt that way… all this time I'd… I'd been doing my damnedest to keep my feelings under control and make sure that you'd never catch on," Sakura said at length, almost unaware she'd done so, "It it never occurred to me that you might feel anything similar…" She paused to take a deep breath, "Sorry, I guess I'm a bit in shock, I never took you for one to make long, heartfelt speeches." A nervous laugh escaped her as the tension suddenly dissipated from the air, the adrenaline leaving her body far more swiftly even than it had done all those years ago, the moment Kakashi had saved them from certain doom on their very first major mission as Team 7.

"I never felt the need to; before now," Kakashi replied, his eye glued to her but with the entirety of his face uncovered, it was easy to see the lingering tension pulling at his features Perhaps he always allowed his emotions to show so clearly, allowing the mask to cover what he couldn't; but even so seeing it for herself was a novelty. He apparently wanted a clearer answer than what she'd already given and would not budge until such clarification had been granted. Sakura rose to her feet and moved onto the sofa, taking the seat next to him. The tension was back, but she felt oddly calm, despite the acute awareness she had of the man next to her, his size, his scent, his intense gaze. In a moment his lips were upon her's and for a brief moment it was the sole point of contact between them. She almost hadn't noticed until his broad hands found their way to her back, prompting her hands to find his shoulders; his kiss both commanding and gentle, the cynosure of the past several months. She reluctantly pulled back, resisting the urge to stroke her hand down his cheek,

"You… you're still recovering."

"I've never felt better," Kakashi replied,

"I still think I shouldn't push you."

"I've been waiting for you to push me for months."

"Kakashi!"

 

..

 

.


End file.
